The Trouble With Strapless. (A Rant.)

I understand that clear bra straps aren't truly invisible, but what I didn't expect to find when I Googled them, hoping to find pictures of them actually worn with clothing (seriously, are there any?), were lengthy message boards about the "ugliness" and "unacceptability" of bra straps showing, period.  I'm tired of the stigma.

Image from lanebryant.com

Nope, Lane Bryant, this isn't a picture of 

"clear bra straps under a dress."

I understand that there are a variety of strapless bras available in the full-bust market.  But even if they work very well for some women, others still won't be able to get much lift or a very good shape from them.  Some women will not have the time to find one that really works if they have to go to an event.  Some women are hesitant to spend so much money on an undergarment they might only wear once (strapless bras are usually more expensive for the full-busted).  And I'm tired of being told, "But they make strapless bras in your size!" as if their mere existence means that I can wear them without any problem.

Because darn it, I really do need the straps.  Bust room is usually provided in a certain area, waistlines are assumed to be here, armholes are just here, and if your chest doesn't remain within certain limits, a garment might not fit right.  For me, even though many come in my size range, I've never had a strapless bra keep me within those limits.*

<--Provided bust room

<--Where bust sits in strapless bra

 

... Nope. Nope. Nope.

 

Image from target.com

On these snarky message boards about bra straps showing, I'd often read, "That is just so tacky!" And on more than one occasion, this sentiment was followed by, "I'd suggest an adhesive bra if you have to wear something more revealing."  Perhaps all of this just caught me in a bad mood, but it royally ticked me off.  I couldn't help but think that if I currently have trouble finding decent strapless bras at a fairly common full-bust size, imagine how women with larger breasts must feel when confronted with this sort of "advice."  Basically, what I see when I read this type of comment is: Choose to wear things that cover your bra straps, or I'll judge you and talk about you behind your back.  And if you have to wear a particular style for a party/formal/wedding/etc., you can get something with inadequate support/poor shape and likely feel less attractive in it than your less-busty companions.  (Oh, and by the way, I'll probably judge you for the way your breasts look in it, too.) 

And let me tell you about my last adventure with an adhesive bra.  I was 18 and going to prom, and because I wanted to fit in--I'm not saying this was a good or mature choice--I just had to get the cute low-backed spaghetti-strap dress.  I ended up with a Nu-Bra and a good four, maybe five feet of duct tape trying to get it to hold me up and make everything look halfway decent.  I was hot and uncomfortable, and whenever my date (Mr. Nerd. Yes, he remembers this.) would bump into me, there was a dull, hollow thudding sound like rapping on cardboard box. Also, taking that sucker off hurt.  

Seeing how some people make clothes out of it nowadays,

I should have just made an entire dress out of the stuff.

I do adhere to situation-specific guidelines.  I don't wear a strappy top to someone's family event if I know the family is on the more conservative side.  I try to be respectful of any cultural observations. But I'm not OK with discounting an entire subset of clothing because someone is going to get into a tizzy over visible bra straps.  I think that attitude is, well, tacky.  And adhesive bras are great for some people.  But just as I wouldn't go around saying, "Taking supplements is tacky!  I'd suggest changing your diet," to all and sundry**, please, please don't go around recommending them as as cure-all for people's strapless ailments.  

They're not.  Trust me. 

*Except the strapless basque under my wedding dress, which had to be altered along with my dress, which was a custom item itself.  But I'm not willing to do that every time, for obvious reasons.

**"Well, if your child just has to be anemic, then I'd suggest more spinach." 

Settling for Less: Why Busty Women Might Not Take the Options Provided to Them.

The sweater I'm wearing is gorgeous.  It's a bright, cheerful, royal blue.  It's extremely soft.  It is thick enough to be warm but thin enough not to add bulk when belted.  It's long enough.  It is perf... actually, no.  It isn't perfect.  My arms look like they begin on the sides of my breasts, because the sides are pulled so far forward.  When I twitch them back into position under my arms, the sweater doesn't even come close to closing.  Yet I wear it anyway.  I would say that my wardrobe is mainly composed of clothes with at least one glaring fit issue that I try to ignore.  If I didn't have other options, this would be fine.  But why do I and many women with larger busts still settle for items that are just OK when we have options like these?

The light blue lines indicate the (approximately) correct positions of the arm and side seam.

The red lines show where they are.

First, there's the act of shopping itself.  Going to a store and trying on clothes can be fun. Feeling the fabrics, actually seeing the colors, being able to take five different sizes into a dressing room... there are definite lures to brick-and-mortar stores.   And because most women don't live near a store that stocks an extensive size range of full-bust bras or clothing brands, they end up at local malls, boutiques, and department stores.  That isn't to say that you can't find great pieces at those places, but for many women the experience (and for some, the immediate gratification!) is the draw.  It's tempting to settle.

Then there's the fact that online shopping can be tedious for busty women.  A number of stores catering to that demographic are either in the UK or in Poland.  This is convenient for much of Europe but not so convenient for other locations (the words "Free Worldwide Shipping!" now have the power to make me teary-eyed).  So they have to order multiple sizes or take a gamble and hope for the best, go through the hassle of returning items or trying to sell whatever doesn't fit, and that process often costs them more money than anticipated.

I wish the excitement when one of these arrives at the door wasn't tempered 

by the fear of returns.

There's a second cost-related issue. I'm almost sure that many people, like me, prefer having a certain amount of money in their accounts at all times for emergencies/bills/etc. So I've always wondered if online retailers could have an option as follows: if you are ordering one bra in multiple sizes, you can pay for only one, but if the other sizes aren't returned in X amount of time, your PayPal/credit card/other account will then be charged.  I am not a store owner/CEO/have never made decisions regarding corporate logistics, so I don't know if that or a similar setup is feasible, but I would be less hesitant to make purchases online if something like it were implemented. There are many extremely helpful online retailers who might help you figure out ways to reduce costs, but wouldn't it be great if this were a standard option?

Money aside, I also have to wonder if there are deeper, more emotional reasons that women might be reluctant to purchase D+ lingerie and clothing.  I know there are for me.  When I don't like how a shirt, dress or sweater fits my bust and say so, I often get responses like:

"Most people don't have clothes that fit perfectly."
"You're just too picky."
"But it looks good everywhere else.  Can't you just ignore that?" or
"That's such a first world problem. Just be glad you have clothes."

Let me address the last of these first: I am glad that I have clothes. I am very lucky to have them. Just because I get frustrated by the fit of clothes and bras doesn't mean that these frustrations aren't, in the scheme of things, quite trivial.  But clothes and bras that fit make me happy.  I think it's OK to be happy about trivial matters sometimes and not to feel guilty about that happiness, as long as you ultimately keep your problems in perspective.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glii-kazad8

This video doesn't pertain to any major societal issue, 

but can you not smile?  Can you?

As for the other responses, it's as if people are saying, She obviously thinks she's some super special snowflake because of her body type; can't she just buy clothes from normal stores like the rest of us? All right, so I don't actually know that they're thinking this.  But to the people who dole out these comments on a regular basis, please remember that this is what it can sound like to the recipient. Yes, almost all women have body parts that are difficult to fit, and settling isn't necessarily always bad, but at least acknowledge the exasperation that occurs when the same fit issues are encountered over and over again.

Especially when someone has an area that she is particularly self-conscious about, shrugging off her concerns or making her feel self-absorbed for bringing it up can feel like a slap in the face.  Oh, you mean you've struggled with that part of yourself your whole life?  Well, too bad; no one else cares!  Because of this, I sometimes think other people unconsciously encourage busty women to settle for clothes that they would otherwise not buy.  So when shopping with someone who doesn't like how something fits around the bust... or on the hips or waist or thighs or wherever... don't lightly dismiss those feelings or try to talk her into buying something she might not enjoy wearing; instead, be sympathetic and help her find something that she feels great in.

Have you ever settled when it comes to clothing?  Did other people have any influence on your decision? I would love to hear if anyone thinks there are other reasons that women with larger chests might settle for less than what is available to them!


*Edit* I've decided to start adding reasons as readers suggest them, because I know there are others that I have forgotten or never thought of.  Please let me know if you do not want your comment name displayed (if I get what appear to be real names, I will abbreviate them anyway :-) ), and I will change it!

- AE brings up the great point that some types of clothing are just not available from large bust brands, particularly heavier winter sweaters and coats (companies: hint hint).  


- Chiharu writes that it is difficult to find items if you want something fashion-forward/less vintage inspired.

- A Sophisticated Pair weighed in on the "ordering a few sizes" issue: You'd essentially have to double or triple your inventory in order to support the potential for customers to be ordering way more than they plan on keeping. So you'd have to worry about stock on hand as well as what stock would need to be replenished. It's not an easy prospect, but I can see the appeal for the consumer.  (Thanks for the input!)

- Anonymous says that shipping is still a hassle in other parts of Europe, and bra band sizes are still rarely seen below a 32 (and especially 30) there.