Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Pregnancy & Body Image Inner Dialogue #1: Choosing a Maternity Swimsuit.

1. Dang, I think I could fit maybe 1/4 a boob in that boob... pouch... thing... there.
2. Those bottoms seem awfully narrow in the back for any sort of maternity suit.
3. If I bought a larger size, though, a bump would probably push them down.  
4. Saggy swimsuit bottoms are so annoying.
5. I know why the top is so long, but for a while that material is just going to bunch up.
6. ... Geez, apparently all pregnant women want tankinis.
7. Do most pregnant women want tankinis?
8. Do they actually want tankinis, or do they buy them because they're widely available?
9. Yes, I know they're good alternatives for people who would normally wear or want one-pieces.
10. Huh, there are some one pieces on here.  
11. That seam is not going under my bustline.
12. ... My collarbone doesn't need lift and support, thanks.
13. Could they at least make more maternity active suits?
14. Don't many doctors recommend swimming as a good form of exercise during pregnancy?
15. You'd think that would mean more options.
16. Let's look at full-bust brand tankinis and one piece suits.
17. And I thought too long would be frustrating... that top is going to ride up something awful.
18. This one won't allow for stomach growth if I get it in a size that would support my chest.
19. You know, really, wet material on my stomach does not sound like fun right now.
20. I'm only 16 weeks along, can I wear a bikini now? 
21. Will people stare at my wobbly belly when there's still so much early pregnancy bloating?
22. ... Actually, that makes wet material sound even worse.
23. Besides, a lot of pregnant women wear bikinis.
24. I've always thought pregnant women look awesome in them.
25. Do I look pregnant enough to wear one, though?
26. ... Well that attitude is sort of silly. 
27. Saying "When I look pregnant enough..." is like saying "When I lose enough weight..."
28. That time might never come, especially mentally speaking.
29. I mean, I don't think people need to lose weight to wear bikinis.
30. But what if I'm one of those people who develops a ton of varicose veins or stretch marks?
31. ... I've never thought people needed to cover those up either.
32. You know, I wouldn't think or say about others any of the things I think or say about myself.
33. I'd be appalled at anyone who thought this way about other people.
34. Why do I do it to myself?
35. I could buy a nice supportive bikini top.
36. It might get too small eventually, but it wouldn't have to keep up with my stomach AND boobs.
37. And my stomach wouldn't feel itchy with all the clinging.
38. And I'd likely actually swim, because I'd physically be more comfortable.
39. Sure, I might be somewhat self-conscious.
40. Because the truth is, there are people who judge others wearing swimsuits.
41. Often it's because they judge themselves so harshly.
42. That's kind of sad.
43. But whatever the reason, their judgment isn't my problem.
44. Other people's judgment is a reflection on them, not on me.
45. I think all bodies are bikini bodies.
46. ... So mine should be too, right?
47. Not just pre-pregnancy when I was slimmer.
48. Not whenever the bloating goes down.
49. Not when I'm sporting an obvious baby belly.
50. Not when I lose weight postpartum.
51. Not when I've gone to the gym enough to tone up after birth.
52. Right. Now.
53. -Add to cart. Add to cart.-
54. -Enter billing.  Enter shipping.-
55. And... done.  My body is now a bikini body.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Explanations & Announcements.

You've probably noticed that I haven't blogged much in a while, and it's finally time to

By the time 2015 rolled around, it had been over two months since I had an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist, because mine was leaving his practice.  I had been thinking about switching anyway, so I took it as a sign and made myself an appointment with a new doctor in mid January.  A couple weeks before that appointment was scheduled to occur, a host of unusual symptoms started popping up.  When they didn't go away, I decided to take a pregnancy test...

... and it was positive!

I suppose it's a pleasantly fitting way to come back from posts on infertility.  Of course, I didn't believe it until I'd taken about five more tests, and even then I wasn't sure until the dating ultrasound.  We're now out of the first trimester, and even though nothing in pregnancy is ever guaranteed, we've been blessed to have this experience so far, especially because it's one we weren't entirely sure we would get. My main pregnancy symptom has been fatigue, which has made it hard to blog as much as I would like, but I do intend to keep it up.  Posts might not be on a set schedule and could get sporadic again (especially later in the year, because Little Nerd is due September 12!).

There will almost certainly be a few posts on dealing with rapid body and life changes along with other unrelated nerdy posts, so I hope readers will check back occasionally for updates!