tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55132261771761720582024-03-14T02:03:55.114-07:00The Absurd Curvy NerdCat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.comBlogger116125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-4704614221194531332016-03-08T08:17:00.002-08:002016-03-08T08:19:03.776-08:00When Baby Arrives and You Disappear.I know it has been a while since I last updated TACN. Baby (Girl!) Nerd is now 6 months old(!), and we've been busy. I wasn't sure I wanted to get back to blogging, and posts might still be few and far between. I anticipated baby blues, and because I had some antenatal depression and am prone to depression even when not pregnant, I looked out for it postpartum. But after trying so hard to have a baby and planning it for years, I didn't expect it to hit me so quickly and so hard.<br />
<br />
I had been told all about the all-consuming love one has for her child when he or
she is born. I had been told that it was an amazing feeling. I had
been told that those minutes, when you see your child for the first time, are magical, somehow transcendent.
Sometimes, someone, somewhere, mentioned taking a while to bond with
her baby, and doctors and nurses constantly stressed an awareness of
postpartum depression, but it was never exactly <i>descriptive</i>. They said it was common, spoke of "deep sadness that you can't seem to get over," and told expectant mothers to put the baby down in the crib and tell someone if they had thoughts of harming themselves or the baby. Their information was of course correct, informative. Clinical. But it didn't do justice to the reality. No one ever mentioned, in those moments after birth, mere hollow detachment. The tiny, red-faced, wiggly thing placed on my chest felt distinctly <i>other. </i>Alien. <i>And</i> it was screaming at the top of its lungs.<br />
<br />
At first I blamed my lack of overwhelming maternal feeling on the drugs. I wanted an unmedicated birth, but after 26 hours of labor, I agreed with Mr. Nerd and the doctor that the best plan was to get some rest, so the anesthesiologist placed the epidural. After I'd gotten some sleep, they gave me the lowest dose of pitocin available, and then labor and delivery sailed by without a hitch. I felt pressure, no pain, I laughed and joked with Mr. Nerd, and when the time came to push, I was still aware of it well before the L&D nurse came to check on me. After a total of 36 hours, Baby Nerd was out in 30 minutes; none of my fears of tearing, or forceps, or dislocated anything (for myself or baby) were realized. Yet my only thought when the doctor congratulated us, held up my baby for the first time, and announced that she was a she, my only thought was, <i>Why don't I feel anything?</i><br />
<br />
That wasn't exactly true. I did have some feelings, but they were mostly negative. A little bit of panic, a little anxiety, a little worry. I just didn't feel <i>connected</i> to the tiny creature in my arms. I forced a smile through those first hours and that first night, thanking everyone for their congratulations and well-wishes, wishing my baby could bring me as much joy as it seemed to bring grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. She slept the first night, in a new-newborn sleepy phase that quelled some of my initial panic just enough to allow me some sleep. I planned to breastfeed and spent the next day dealing with a baby who would fall asleep with every effort of trying to latch, trying fruitlessly to get inverted nipples to pop out using a hand pump just long enough for her to take hold. Nurses popped in every once in a while to do fundal massages-- thankfully we learned about those in childbirth classes, otherwise I would have asked the nurse why in the seven hells she wanted me to be in so much pain <i>after</i> the birth was over-- refill medications, and help me change the cloth-and-witch hazel-wrapped ice packs and pads the size of Rhode Island adorning a giant pair of mesh underwear. Those monstrosities more than any pain made walking the halls difficult. Childbirth may be a beautiful, natural thing, but glamorous it is not.<br />
<br />
The next night, she screamed. Rooting and putting her hands to her mouth, she still wouldn't latch. <span style="font-family: "";">One nurse kept telling me that the baby would latch if I only relaxed.</span><span style="font-family: "";"> <i>If only I could</i>, I thought to her<i>.</i> </span> I broke down in tears and told Mr. Nerd that I just couldn't do it. I had thought this was what I wanted, but I was obviously wrong. I was tired and scared. I knew I would never, ever, hurt her, but I started to understand that feeling that a lot of depressed mothers feel. At that moment, though, I simply didn't want to interact with her. I wanted to go back in time and never have gotten pregnant in the first place.<br />
<br />
"I <i>shouldn't </i>be unhappy; I could be happy if I tried" is one the most damaging things anyone with depression can think. You start to wonder if you are a terrible person when you have so much that is good and manage only to feel bad. Despite all the prenatal advice from doctors and nurses to seek help for depression, it took me eight weeks to admit that I needed more help than I was getting, because a tiny voice in my head kept telling me that my feelings were wrong. That I'd be judged negatively for them. Mothers who want children are supposed to love them from birth. It's just... the way the world is supposed to work.<br />
<br />
I finally sat in a psychiatrist's office and said all of this aloud. For me, medication was what I needed most; I thank God every day for the gift of doctors and medication. That is a perfectly valid treatment for PPD; don't let anyone tell you otherwise if it helps you. But I also needed to know that I wasn't alone. That there are thousands of women out there struggling with similar feelings. That it's OK to feel overwhelmed, sad, even angry when your life changes so much and you don't have the internal resources to deal with it immediately. That you are allowed to put the crying baby down in the crib for a minute, go in to the bathroom, and scream into a pillow because you're frustrated and exhausted. That it's all right to ask for someone to stay with you if you need that. And let me assure you, even if you think you are all alone in this, there are people who WILL stay with you. We are lucky to have lots of close family in town, but even if you don't, trust me on this; there are other women who know and want to help. Who know what it's like to have a hungry baby who won't latch at 3am on a Saturday. Who know what it's like not to sleep because you're worried that the baby might wake up at any minute and <i>need</i> you, and you might not understand what's needed. Who know that despite best intentions, it's easy to neglect yourself when there's another human being depending on you.<br />
<br />
Who know that it gets better but that you need help in this moment, because <i>you</i> might not see it until one day... it does.<br />
<br />
It started to become easier when she began smiling, because I could see that what I did made a <i>difference</i> in her life, rather than just keeping her breathing (although Mr Nerd and I are rather amazed we managed!). I still didn't realize it had gotten better at that point. I didn't really realize it until I found myself in the shower, monitor outside the glass, knowing that I was ready to run to her if I heard her wake from her nap sounding scared or hurt. Knowing that I<i> knew </i>her "scared" and "hurt" and "hungry" and "cranky" and "bored" and "happy." <span style="font-family: "";">Right now Mr. Nerd and I are sick, and Baby Nerd has been staying with grandparents, and I feel like a little part of me is missing.</span><span style="font-family: "";"> And three or four months ago, I wouldn't have believed it possible. </span><br />
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<br />Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-36533961684384547182015-05-08T09:39:00.000-07:002015-05-08T09:39:34.296-07:00Follow-Up On Pregnancy & Body Image Posts.<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.31999969482422px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">[Copied/pasted from the blog's Facebook page]</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.31999969482422px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I wish to make something clear here, in case I haven't before: I think it's obvious that one's body changing rapidly can be overwhelming and can sometimes bring up insecurities.* However, if it were in any way truly debilitating to someone, I'd hope that she wouldn't hesitate to seek help. Also, strangers commenting in a negative way/tone isn't acceptable at any other time in one's life, so I don't think it should just be considered part-and-parcel<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"> of pregnancy.</span></span></div>
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BUT, with all that said, I wouldn't trade this experience for the world. I wouldn't trade my expanding belly for a flat stomach nor do I constantly long for my more defined waist or to fit back into my skinny jeans. In general, I do love my pregnant body and being pregnant. In fact, I've been extremely lucky in how smoothly everything has gone so far, and I feel blessed every day this baby continues to grow. My blog posts merely show how I mentally handle the insecure moments and resolve them. I think most people, pregnant or not, have those moments, and I think it's good to normalize them rather than create a fantasy world in which someone is 100% happy 100% of the time or always thinks about their circumstances in relation to those less fortunate.** As humans, we just aren't always capable of that, so it seems like a surefire way to develop feelings of guilt, failure, and shame.***</div>
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I actually <i>personally </i>don't mind when people congratulate or compliment me. It's that "negative tone" I dislike. For the most part, it's wonderful to me to witness how excited and giddy people can get over someone else's impending new arrival, and I often enjoy hearing their experiences. Just because I myself don't mind it, I still think it odd that strangers feel confident congratulating someone without confirming first; many women still look the same for a time postpartum, and I know that's already a difficult enough time for some without people asking when they're due, and I also know plenty of pregnant women would prefer to be left alone. What I do mind for myself <i>and</i> anyone else is when someone's words are <i>obviously</i> discomforting and nudging insecurities to the surface, but they continue anyway.</div>
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It simply isn't realistic for me to be happy with my body all the time, but how could I ever not appreciate it when it holds something so precious to me? Now, if only baby would decide to keep kicking while Mr. Nerd was actually in the room...</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">*I've struggled with body image issues and not seeing what other people see for a long time. At one point in my life it <i>was</i> taking a toll on my health, but nowadays I have a great support system and positive ways of coping (blogging has certainly been a free form of therapy to me), and I've never felt better and more capable of handling it. <i>Of course</i> pregnancy, which by its very nature is all about change, was going to throw something new into the mix. While the "moments" remain, it has, overall, in fact <i>helped</i> more than it has hindered, because I've started to view my body more in terms of its capabilities--the same way someone who starts running might start to appreciate her body for the athleticism it displays--than in terms of looks, and the looks in turn become more beautiful and fascinating to me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">**Of course I wish everyone's trauma, sadness, and suffering would end, and of course I know that I am lucky for my health, the roof over my head, the food and water to which I have access, and my family and friends. This does not mean that we shouldn't think of people less fortunate than ourselves; only that we as human beings--rich or poor, sick or healthy--all have times when we are more inwardly than outwardly focused. </span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">***Even if you've finally gotten pregnant after two, five, or fifteen years of trying, it's perfectly normal to sometimes be hard on yourself or not to enjoy every. single. aspect of pregnancy. It does <i>not </i>mean that you aren't grateful to be pregnant or that you're unhappy about your baby. I also consider myself lucky that I've <i>actively enjoyed</i> so much of pregnancy thus far, because I know that's not always everyone's experience. </span></div>
</span></div>
Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-16877255606245390562015-05-07T08:16:00.000-07:002015-05-07T08:16:44.440-07:00Pregnancy & Body Image Inner Dialogue #3: Oh, the Comments... in Real Life.*Lines all not in italics: said aloud by me. Lines in bold: said aloud by another person.*<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>1. Oh, right, you're speaking to me, the </i>so obviously <i>pregnant one.</i><br />
<i>2. Still not sure why you asked when the "baby girl" was arriving, though.</i><br />
<i>3. ... Should I ask, "What baby?"*</i><br />
<i>4. This is our waiter for the rest of the night, though. </i><br />
<i>5. May be easiest just to...</i><br />
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Let it go... let it go...</div>
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<i>6. </i>Baby will be here in September. <i> </i><br />
<i>7. Yes, I still have about 18 weeks to go. </i><br />
<i>8. Please don't look that surprised.</i><br />
<i>9. </i>We don't know if it's a girl.<br />
<i>10. </i>You're almost the first one to say girl; most people are guessing 'boy.'<br />
<i>11. Ah, yes, the science of personal anecdotes; you carried "like a basketball," and it was boy.</i><br />
<i>12. And I'm "bump all over and out to the sides"... because that remark was </i>absolutely<i> necessary.</i><br />
<i>13. Thank you for the expressive, </i>expansive<i> gestures that indicate the size and shape of my body at the moment.</i><br />
<i>14. I don't ever look in a mirror or walk past reflective surfaces, and I desperately need to be able to mime a description of myself to others.</i><br />
<i>15.</i> *Shrug*. Could be.<br />
<i>16.</i> <i>You do realize that the odds are 50/50?</i><br />
<i>17. I know several people who had multiple children and carried differently every time, regardless of whether the babies were the same sex or different.</i><br />
<i>18. Although when I spun counterclockwise seven times, walked backward through an open kitchen door, and sprinkled salt on my head, my wedding ring didn't fall off. </i><br />
<i>19. That </i>definitely<i> puts the odds at about 70/30 in favor of a boy.</i><br />
<i>20. Feel free to stop looking speculatively at my belly.</i><br />
<i>21. ... Any time now.</i><br />
<i>22.<b> </b></i><b><i>I guess it could be a big boy? </i></b><br />
<i>23. Did I really just hear that? Having... trouble...</i><br />
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Letting go... letting go...</div>
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<i>24. First of all, according to medical studies done on the subject, boy babies generally grow faster than girls... ?</i><br />
<i>25. Of course that's still just overall and doesn't necessarily mean anything about my baby in particular or the rate of my own growth. </i><br />
<i>26. Because there</i> are <i>other things expanding in there besides the baby, you know.</i><br />
<i>27. Second of all... I just... really?</i><br />
<i>28. As far as I can tell, bump size and shape is highly individualistic.</i><br />
<i>29. Funny enough, many women I know who have been pregnant or given birth recently tell me I look "small" or "about like they did" at 22 weeks. </i><br />
<i>30. OK, OK, so it's often qualified by, "Maybe that's just relative to your boobs."</i><br />
<i>31. Still, sometimes I get the vague impression that many people who are further removed from the pregnancy stage or haven't been pregnant either forget or don't know, respectively, how much bigger women can look throughout pregnancy. </i><br />
<i>32. And not because they're "gaining too much weight" either.</i><br />
<i>33. I mean, when you gain 25-35 pounds (on average) and most of that weight is (frequently) concentrated around one's middle, what do people expect?</i><br />
<i>34. So... I guess I probably could look larger to other people than I feel like I look.</i><br />
<i>35. Which... is fine... </i><br />
<i>36. It really </i>ought <i>to be fine.</i><br />
<i>37. My doctor is pleased with how everything is going.</i><br />
<i>38. Baby looked great on the scan.</i><br />
<i>39. That's what ultimately matters.</i><br />
<i>40. I just... Mr. Nerd, you wouldn't say I look like I'm about to give birth any minute now, would you?</i><br />
<i>41. All right,</i> <i>I look pregnant; that wasn't the question.</i><br />
<i>42. This isn't a trick question.</i><br />
<i>43. See, I didn't think so either.</i><br />
<i>44. What does "definitely pregnant" mean, though?</i><br />
<i>45. "Like there's a tiny human growing inside you".</i><i>.. Well, yes, I know that's what pregnancy </i>is.<br />
<i>46. Of course because of that I'd be concerned if I wasn't getting any bigger.</i><br />
<i>47. Well, no... I don't know what I "think I should look like."</i><br />
<i>48. So I look "like a mommy"?</i><br />
<i>49. But what does that mean!?</i><br />
<i>50. Thank you, thank you.</i><br />
<i>51. "Beautiful" is just what I needed to hear.**</i><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>*</i>It has really only been in the past two weeks that I've started getting congratulations and comments from complete strangers, and this is always my first instinct. Even though in general I don't think people ought to comment about a pregnancy unless the woman brings it up first, I'm not confrontational enough in real life to say or do things that make others uncomfortable, even when they make me uncomfortable. It's something I need to work on. Of course, I'm not sure whether that will become more tempting over time, what with 18 weeks left to go and all... !</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">**While in a perfect world, we would never <i>need</i> external validation, <i>it is OK</i> to have a sincere compliment make you feel better.</span><br />
<br />Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-42537800636353514902015-04-24T13:22:00.001-07:002015-04-27T14:15:25.152-07:00To Whom Does Mom's Body Belong, Anyway?OK, I admit it. I'm a sucker for click-bait, and I often give in to morbid curiosity about comments on online articles, despite more sensible people's (understandable, needed) warnings of "DON'T READ THE COMMENTS!" Heck, <i>I </i>even give that warning sometimes, because... well, usually because I did and became increasingly horrified and disgusted and don't want others to have the same experience.<br />
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So when pictures of moms post-baby surface online, I usually end up looking at them. I have gotten to the point that I wouldn't compare myself to any of these women, because I know no one has the same body experience during pregnancy/postpartum. I end up looking at them because I actually love the variety, the individual differences between the people who have all just performed a similar biological function... with vastly different but perfectly natural and normal results. I find<i> </i>all<i> </i>of their pictures lovely, whether the women still look similar to how they looked when pregnant or seem to have lost every pound they gained the moment they gave birth. I abhor the headlines, which are often meant either to celebrate women who have slender postpartum bodies and shame ones who don't, <i>or</i> to somehow tell the world that the <i>only</i> way to prove your body's worth after baby is to have <i>more</i> weight and <i>more</i> stretch marks... but the women themselves?<i> All</i> gorgeous.<br />
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What I don't understand at all is when a mom takes a picture of herself or has someone else take a picture of her pregnant/postpartum/when she has been a mom for a time, puts it "out there," and then has her body and lifestyle completely picked apart by The Photo Vultures* who can apparently gauge the character, emotions, and child-rearing skill of a woman from a mere photograph. I don't understand when she is told that she's a bad mom or bad person for <i>sharing pictures.</i> That she's narcissistic because of it.** That she should be keeping herself to herself because she's Now A Mommy. <br />
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Pregnant in a bikini before going swimming... </div>
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and the only point I'm trying to make here is that</div>
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it's still my body and shouldn't be a big deal, </div>
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but somehow to society... it is?</div>
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<i>Put the camera down and actually spend time with your child! We don't care if she's napping or he's at Grandma's house or another parent/guardian is reading to them; you should be staring at the baby every moment of every day. ... Do you even care if your baby is sticking his finger in the electrical socket in the with a plastic bag over his head? Because </i>obviously<i> you put him down on the floor amid a barrage of safety hazards just out of the shot so you could take this "selfie." And put some clothes on in that picture, for goodness sake! Think of what might happen if your newborn son sees you in such skimpy clothes on the internet when he's a teenager. </i><i>You have stretch marks? We applaud you, oh incredible embodiment of womanhood... now why do we care, again? </i><i>By the way, your top has a stain on it. At our house, we actually prefer to be clean. And why is your hair done? Why do you not have under-eye circles? You must not be tending to your child like the rest of us if you can look that energetic. Oh, wait, that's right; you're too busy taking </i>pictures<i>.***</i><br />
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Here's the thing, everyone: a mom's body is still very much her own when she's pregnant and after having children.**** It might nourish, carry, or soothe, but it does not actually<i> belong</i> to her child. If it did, there would be another name for it: <i>the child's body.</i> I'm not saying that for many women it doesn't feel like their bodies aren't their own, especially early on. Those are valid feelings--everyone is entitled to their own feelings about their bodies--but those feelings don't <i>actually make her body their or anyone else's property.</i><br />
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In summary...<br />
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A mother's body does not belong to her children.<br />
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A mother's body does not belong to the general public even when exposed<i> to </i>the general public; it should be shown or covered up as<i> she</i> sees fit and not as strangers see fit.<br />
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A mother is not narcissistic or necessarily trying to "prove" anything when showing her body and being proud of it, <i>whatever </i>state it is in.**<br />
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A mother's body does not need to look a certain way to validate her motherhood.<br />
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A mother's body should never be called a source of potential embarrassment to her children as if the body she was somehow "allowed" to display on college spring break suddenly becomes unsuitable for viewing after having kids... because <i>no</i> bodies are shameful.*****<br />
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A mother's body is her own.<br />
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A mother's body is beautiful.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">NB: I do not in any way think that women who adopt, use surrogates, foster, or otherwise have/raise children are not mothers. And I don't think motherhood a woman makes, either. I suspect some posts here will be geared toward women who have given or will give birth, but please know that they are never meant to be "othering" to women who can't, haven't, or won't, and I hope those women can take something from the posts as well. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">*Copyright TACN, 2015. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">**Narcissism is an actual mental disorder that affects ~1% of the population. Narcissistic people often have various, sometimes severe difficulties in daily life because of their intense self-focus. Using the term merely to describe being proud of features or accomplishments is... well... it's rather ignorant. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">***JUST IN CASE... this entire paragraph = sarcasm.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">****With pregnancy in this sentence, I am speaking from a purely emotional standpoint; <i>I am not making any claims or arguments about the physical relationship between a woman and an embryo/fetus.</i> If you want to discuss "personhood" or abortion, --this is not the forum in which to do so--. Thanks in advance for staying on topic.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">*****And let's not get into how sexist/presumptuous it is to say, "Think of what your future children might think!" when viewing those spring break photos in the first place. Not. All. Women. Want. Children. OK?</span>Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-16159923438785536182015-04-06T13:37:00.001-07:002015-04-06T13:37:22.192-07:00Pregnancy & Body Image Inner Dialogue #2: Growing Pains.1. <i>What? What? Have I overslept? </i><br />
2. <i>Why am I awake at 2:46? </i><br />
<i>3. Oof... oh, that's why.</i><br />
<i>4. Can</i> anyone<i> sleep through round ligament pain?</i><br />
<i>5. If I went back to sleep, I can't imagine the nightmares it could cause.</i><br />
<i>6. Don't think about </i>Alien<i>. Don't think about </i>Alien<i>.</i><br />
<i>7. Too late.</i><br />
<i>8. Ugh, now I need to use the bathroom.</i><br />
<i>9. It took </i>ages <i>to find this comfortable sleeping position, though.</i><br />
<i>10. Could I just hold... no, no, bad idea, I know I need to go.</i><br />
<i>11. How many times will this be?</i><br />
<i>12. Four; it'll be four.</i><br />
<i>13. Remember, this is your body's way of preparing you for little sleep in the future.</i><br />
<i>14. You know, </i><i>I'd really prefer my body just allow me to sleep all night while I still can.</i><br />
<i>15. Now back to the get-to-sleep gymnastics, I guess...</i><br />
<i>16. Woah, is that </i>me <i>in the mirror?</i><br />
<i>17. Did this baby decide to make itself even more visible overnight?</i><br />
<i>18. Ahem, hello in there, do you think you could get larger than my boobs by 7:30?</i><br />
<i>19. I'd be much obliged.</i><br />
<i>20. And </i><i>I have to put nice clothes on Sunday.</i><br />
<i>21. So if you could just go ahead and lift yourself above my belly button by this weekend? Y-yeah...</i><br />
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<i>22. Because right now this is looking more kangaroo pouch than anything.</i><br />
<i>23. ... Aw, baby kangaroos in pouches.</i><br />
<i>24. Focus.</i><br />
<i>25. No, not on that freaky blue vein, on going back to bed.</i><br />
<i>26. Hmm, let's just </i>see<i> if I have any new stretch marks, though.</i><br />
<i>27. I could have sworn all that tugging would have resulted in fifty more, but still</i><i> just the old ones.</i><br />
<i>28. What if I'd found new ones?</i><br />
<i>29. I probably wouldn't have been happy about it.</i><br />
<i>30. And truthfully, I'm not even sure why I'd be unhappy about it.</i><br />
<i>31. Again, it's not like I think they look bad on other people or aren't perfectly normal.</i><br />
<i>32. I think I've just seen... me... in the mirror for so long.</i><br />
<i>33. And this is me </i>and <i>someone else.</i><br />
<i>34. ... Figuratively </i>and<i> literally.</i><br />
<i>35. Not that I ever exactly came to terms with "me" in the first place, but I was used to it.</i><br />
<i>36</i><i>. Sometimes I don't feel like I can fully accept my body as it is knowing that it will change.</i><br />
<i>37. If I could just know where I'd end up, at least...</i><br />
<i>38.</i> Would<i> that help, though?</i><br />
<i>39. And wouldn't that take away something from this experience?</i><br />
<i>40. Pregnancy </i>is <i>change.</i><br />
<i>41. Shouldn't each change be celebrated as a new milestone?</i><br />
<i>42. It's no wonder you change so quickly when there's a rapidly growing human being in there.</i><br />
<i>43. At least this ginormous maternity pillow helps out with the sway-back changes.</i><br />
<i>44. ... I wish it weren't </i>quite<i> so ginormous.</i><br />
<i>45. Prepare to witness some high-skill maneuvering as I manage to stay on one side of the bed.</i><br />
<i>46. ... Yeah, no, still a noob.</i><br />
<i>47. Sorry, Mr. Nerd, didn't mean to disturb you.</i><br />
<i>48. Ah, </i>there<i> we go.</i><br />
<i>49. This position isn't too bad.</i><br />
<i>50. Maybe I can even get back to sleep by 3:30.</i><br />
<i>51. Now, if my stomach would stop doing... what </i>is<i> that?</i><br />
<i>52. That doesn't even feel like my stoma...</i><br />
<i>53. Wait... </i><br />
<i>54. Is that...?</i><br />
<i>55. OK, I'm actually shaking you so that you'll wake up now, Mr. Nerd.</i><br />
<i>56. MR. NERD WAKE UP THE BABY IS...</i><br />
<i>57. ... oh, no...</i><br />
<i>58. ... making me need to pee again.</i><br />
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TACN's Note: These won't be every week, but getting my inner dialogues out is cathartic, and it's entertaining when I look back on them, so I hope they're at least somewhat enlightening and enjoyable! Now, some of these dialogues might not seem related to body image, but what I'm discovering through this process is that, at least for me, it's often difficult to separate the shock at sudden new changes, how your body <i>feels</i>, and how your body actually <i>looks</i>. When you're tired, or feel like your sides are being tugged in two directions at once, or your feet are aching, or you've developed varicose veins overnight, or you see something in the mirror that is <i>legitimately different than what you saw three days ago</i>, sometimes it's just hard to look at yourself and think, "I look great." If you're having difficulty saying it for yourself, here you go:<br />
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You--yes, you--look great.<br />
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Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-35748738804058269592015-03-31T19:21:00.000-07:002015-04-06T13:34:44.011-07:00Pregnancy & Body Image Inner Dialogue #1: Choosing a Maternity Swimsuit.<i>1. Dang, I think I could fit maybe 1/4 a boob in that boob... pouch... thing... there.</i><br />
<i>2. Those bottoms seem awfully narrow in the back for any sort of maternity suit.</i><br />
<i>3. If I bought a larger size, though, a bump would probably push them down. </i><br />
<i>4. Saggy swimsuit bottoms are </i>so <i>annoying.</i><br />
<i>5. I know why the top is so long, but for a while that material is just going to bunch up.</i><br />
<i>6. ... Geez, apparently all pregnant women want tankinis.</i><br />
7. Do <i>most pregnant women want tankinis?</i><br />
<i>8. Do they actually </i>want <i>tankinis, or do they buy them because they're widely </i><i>available?</i><br />
<i>9. Yes, I know they're good alternatives for people who would normally wear or want one-pieces.</i><br />
<i>10. Huh, there are </i>some <i>one pieces on here. </i><br />
<i>11. That seam is </i>not <i>going under my bustline.</i><br />
<i>12. ... My collarbone doesn't need lift and support, thanks.</i><br />
<i>13. Could they at least make more maternity active suits?</i><br />
<i>14. Don't many doctors recommend swimming as a good form of exercise during pregnancy?</i><br />
<i>15. You'd think that would mean more options.</i><br />
<i>16. Let's look at full-bust brand tankinis and one piece suits.</i><br />
<i>17. And I thought too long would be frustrating... that top is going to ride up something awful.</i><br />
<i>18. This one won't allow for stomach growth if I get it in a size that would support my chest.</i><br />
<i>19. You know, really, wet material on my stomach does not sound like fun right now.</i><br />
<i>20.</i><i> I'm only 16 weeks along, can I wear </i><i>a bikini now? </i><br />
<i>21. Will people stare at my wobbly belly when there's still so much early pregnancy bloating?</i><br />
<i>22. ... Actually, that makes wet material sound even worse.</i><br />
<i>23. Besides, a lot of pregnant women wear bikinis.</i><br />
<i>24. I've always thought pregnant women look awesome in them.</i><br />
<i>25. Do I look pregnant </i>enough<i> to wear one, though?</i><br />
<i>26. ... Well that attitude is sort of silly. </i><br />
<i>27. Saying "When I look pregnant enough..." is like saying "When I lose enough weight..."</i><br />
<i>28. That time might never come, especially mentally speaking.</i><br />
<i>29. I mean, I don't think people need to lose weight to wear bikinis.</i><br />
<i>30. But what if I'm one of those people who develops a ton of varicose veins or stretch marks?</i><br />
<i>31. ... I've never thought people needed to cover those up either.</i><br />
<i>32. You know, I wouldn't think or say about others any of the things I think or say about myself.</i><br />
<i>33. I'd be appalled at anyone who thought this way about other people.</i><br />
<i>34. Why do I do it to myself?</i><br />
<i>35. I could buy a nice supportive bikini top.</i><br />
<i>36. It might get too small eventually, but it wouldn't have to keep up with my stomach AND boobs.</i><br />
<i>37. And my stomach wouldn't feel itchy with all the clinging.</i><br />
<i>38. And I'd likely actually swim, because I'd physically be more comfortable.</i><br />
<i>39. Sure, I might be somewhat self-conscious.</i><br />
<i>40. Because the truth is, there are people who</i><i> judge others wearing swimsuits.</i><br />
<i>41. Often it's because they judge themselves so harshly.</i><br />
<i>42. That's kind of sad.</i><br />
<i>43. But wha</i><i>tever the reason, their judgment isn't </i>my<i> problem.</i><br />
<i>44. Other people's judgment is a reflection on them, not on me.</i><br />
<i>45. I think all bodies are bikini bodies.</i><br />
<i>46. ... So mine should be too, right?</i><br />
<i>47. Not just pre-pregnancy when I was slimmer.</i><br />
<i>48. Not whenever the bloating goes down.</i><br />
<i>49. Not when I'm sporting an obvious baby belly.</i><br />
<i>50. Not when I lose weight postpartum.</i><br />
<i>51. Not when I've gone to the gym enough to tone up after birth.</i><br />
<i>52. Right. Now.</i><br />
<i>53. -Add to cart. Add to cart.-</i><br />
<i>54. -Enter billing. Enter shipping.-</i><br />
<i>55. And... done. My body is now a bikini body.</i><br />
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<i><br /></i>Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-9938582161542575592015-03-14T18:23:00.001-07:002015-03-14T18:23:15.095-07:00Explanations & Announcements.You've probably noticed that I haven't blogged much in a while, and it's finally time to<br />
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By the time 2015 rolled around, it had been over two months since I had an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist, because mine was leaving his practice. I had been thinking about switching anyway, so I took it as a sign and made myself an appointment with a new doctor in mid January. A couple weeks before that appointment was scheduled to occur, a host of unusual symptoms started popping up. When they didn't go away, I decided to take a pregnancy test...<br />
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... and it was positive!<br />
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I suppose it's a pleasantly fitting way to come back from posts on infertility. Of course, I didn't believe it until I'd taken about five more tests, and even then I wasn't sure until the dating ultrasound. We're now out of the first trimester, and even though nothing in pregnancy is ever guaranteed, we've been blessed to have this experience so far, especially because it's one we weren't entirely sure we would get. My main pregnancy symptom has been fatigue, which has made it hard to blog as much as I would like, but I do intend to keep it up. Posts might not be on a set schedule and could get sporadic again (especially later in the year, because Little Nerd is due September 12!).<br />
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There will almost certainly be a few posts on dealing with rapid body and life changes along with other unrelated nerdy posts, so I hope readers will check back occasionally for updates!<br />
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Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-34005393890517618052015-01-24T16:39:00.003-08:002015-01-24T16:39:59.168-08:00Hey guys!Happy New Year to everyone (I know I'm a <i>little</i> late). I'm in the middle of a new post which should be out soon. I just wanted to let everyone know I haven't completely fallen off the radar. I hope everyone is having a great 2015 so far!Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-87435098367714714942014-11-13T07:39:00.000-08:002014-11-13T12:06:28.530-08:00Infertility: Faith, Hope, and Love.<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;"><i style="font-size: small;">Please note that comments on these posts on infertility will be heavily screened; derogatory, offensive, or inflammatory comments will be removed. If you </i><span style="font-size: x-small;">truly </span><i style="font-size: small;">aren't sure whether your comment could be read as such, but you feel like you could add constructively to the conversation, please send a private message through TACN's Facebook page. </i></span><i style="font-size: small; line-height: 20px;">For this particular post: keep in mind that this isn't a forum in which to discuss birth control, and any comment making it about that will also be removed. Also, this post talks about my faith and infertility. When talking about my own journey, the two are inextricably linked. Everyone's experience with faith is different; please be respectful.</i><br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;"><i style="font-size: small;"> </i></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 20px;">Infertility is a medical condition: failure to get pregnant within one year while having frequent, unprotected intercourse (upwards of 90% of women will conceive within that year). This doesn't mean that women diagnosed with it will never get pregnant; most women who want to get pregnant will eventually go on to conceive, though usually with a doctor's help. Others will of course go on to adopt or take a break from trying to recoup their energy. Infertility </span><span style="line-height: 20px;">can happen at any point in a woman's life after she starts ovulating, even though statistics often include only ages 25-44. It</span><span style="line-height: 20px;"> doesn't just affect women who are 35 and older, or women who have other health problems, or women </span><span style="line-height: 20px;">who have been on birth control. It doesn't even affect only women without children.</span><span style="line-height: 20px;"> Infertility looks different for everyone. </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 20px;">W</span><span style="line-height: 20px;">hile I do have "Female Infertility" on my doctor's chart, and I do require treatment due to polycystic ovarian syndrome, my journey </span><i style="line-height: 20px;">hasn't</i><span style="line-height: 20px;"> been as long or arduous as some. I don't claim to know the heartbreak of miscarriages or failed in vitro attempts. I haven't been actively trying for two or more years. I haven't had an adoption fall through. I haven't had ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome or needed an operation to fix or remove an organ. To all of you who have: you are stronger than anyone could imagine. </span><span style="line-height: 20px;">It has, of course, still been a frustrating experience. </span><span style="line-height: 20px;">I've done unsuccessful rounds of Clomid and Femara and Follistim. I've been disappointed by who knows how many negative pregnancy tests, even when I knew I probably hadn't even ovulated. I</span><span style="line-height: 20px;"> finally found a medication and dosage that gives me a chance, and I do have hope. I also </span><span style="line-height: 20px;">believe that I've been going through this for a reason. Even if I get pregnant this cycle or next, I think it's important to normalize the emotions that women feel and the choices they make when they don't get pregnant within that one year window of time. </span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 20px;">In the back of my mind, I anticipated having some trouble conceiving; I went on the pill in my teens, because slightly elevated androgen levels pointed to PCOS, though I wasn't "officially" diagnosed until I came off it to try to conceive. I nonetheless held out hope that perhaps I was w</span><span style="line-height: 20px;">rong and would come off the pill and</span><span style="line-height: 20px;"> </span><i style="line-height: 20px;">bam!</i><span style="line-height: 20px;">, pregnant. One day after the first six months, when I hadn't yet even ovulated, I went to the bank to deposit a holiday present that was about to go straight into our fertility treatment fund. I pulled into the parking lot, and suddenly the flood gates opened. (PS, I apologize to anyone who witnessed me breaking down and seemingly yelling at my windshield and thought they might need to fear for their safety.)</span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 20px;"><i>Is this even going to work? Because I've been waiting for t</i><i>he opportunity to be a mother for a long time now. I can't reconcile a God who would instill such a desire in me with one who would then keep it from me. There are people who get pregnant without trying at all. What's wrong with me that I can't do that? Am I not meant to have children? Am I supposed to adopt? </i></span><i style="line-height: 20px;">Can I at least get an "Amen" somewhere? Is the fact that I'm not even ovulating my dry wool on the ground, as it were? </i><span style="line-height: 20px;"><i>Can there be words in the sky? A sign at the side of the road? A text? </i></span><i style="line-height: 20px;">Can't you just </i><span style="line-height: 20px;">tell me</span><i style="line-height: 20px;"> if this is what I'm supposed to be doing? </i><i style="line-height: 20px;">I </i><i style="line-height: 20px;">need some confirmation, because I don't understand, and I'm floundering here. Why must I make these decisions? </i><br />
<i style="line-height: 20px;"><br /></i>
I was upset, crying, angry. I didn't think I'd get an answer, because at that moment God felt cold and distant to me. In fact, I doubted that even if He existed, He actually listened. Then unexpected words rang clearly in my mind.<br />
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<i>Who ever said that this was </i>your<i> struggle? This is </i>our<i> struggle. </i><br />
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<span style="line-height: 20px;">And as suddenly as I had started railing against God's silence, my body, and the injustices of life, my perspective changed. This wasn't going to be God's punishment, or the universe's way of telling me that I shouldn't be a mom, or a sign that I wasn't as prepared for parenthood as the people who so easily got pregnant. This was just the trailhead of a meandering, more challenging hike up the mountain to the breathtaking view from the top. It might be hard, and I might grumble when I faltered along the way; I might slide backward occasionally. But the blessing at the end was worth striving for, and I realized something important about myself; I was <i>willing</i> to fight for it, to endure for it. <i>And God had said He would be there with me</i>, my guide, picking me back up and dusting me off and giving me water whenever I sat down and thought about giving up. Rejoicing in my progress. Crying with me when I stumbled and bruised myself, even as He healed those wounds and made me even stronger.</span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 20px;">Yes, I might get to the top and find a different landscape than I expected-- God could say, "Now that I've led you here, you can better see that child over there who needs a home"; He's God, and He does that sometimes-- but I knew that outcome would be equally as beautiful, and whatever journey preceded it would still be worth it. </span><span style="line-height: 20px;">Because while faith, hope, and love always remain, the </span><i style="line-height: 20px;">greatest </i><span style="line-height: 20px;">of these isn't<i> </i></span><span style="line-height: 20px;">hope. </span><br />
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And day by day, God is just building up the love I have to offer when our child arrives.<br />
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<span style="line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-46989234443220484512014-11-09T19:17:00.001-08:002014-11-11T07:05:16.727-08:0011 Things Not to Say to Anyone Struggling with Infertility.<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;"><span style="background-color: transparent;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Please note that comments on these upcoming posts on infertility will be heavily screened; derogatory, offensive, or inflammatory comments will be removed. If you </i>truly <i>aren't sure whether your comment could be read as such, but you feel like you could positively add to the conversation, please send a private message to TACN's Facebook page. </i></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;"><span style="background-color: transparent;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><br /></i></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;"><span style="background-color: transparent;">Like with parenting, most everyone has an opinion about infertility that they feel the need to share, even if it isn't based on fact or experience. So with Fit & Active October giving me a segue into other health issues for November, I've decided to do a short weekly "series" about struggling with infertility. </span></span>Next week, I'll share some of my personal story. This week, I<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;"><span style="background-color: transparent;"> decided to preemptively shut down some nonconstructive comments on future posts;</span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;"><span style="background-color: transparent;"> I think most people know if their words are blatantly offensive, but I'd like to </span></span><span style="line-height: 20px;">help people better understand how words spoken without thinking can be insidiously insensitive.</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;"><span style="background-color: transparent;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;"><span style="background-color: transparent;"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 20px;">We all have different triggers. This list might not include some, and the ones included might not apply to <i>everyone</i>, but I do know that these are prevalent.</span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 20px;"><i style="line-height: normal;">EDIT: If I didn't make it clear in this post, if you say something that makes us feel bad, we</i><span style="line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="line-height: normal;">will </span><i style="line-height: normal;">tell you and not just let you guess! This is mostly a compilation of things I've heard on forums, comments on other blogs, and what others struggling with infertility have said bothers them. There is also a </i><span style="line-height: normal;">huge</span><i style="line-height: normal;"> difference between certain comments if you've been with us every step of the way and giving opinions or advice as an acquaintance or outside observer.</i></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 20px;"><b>11 Things Not to Say to Anyone Struggling with Infertility.</b></span><br />
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<b><i>-You should just adopt; there are so many kids who need good homes.</i></b><br />
Always remember that most women struggling with infertility have weighed (and sometimes agonized over) all options. Adoption should certainly be one of those options, and if you are <i>absolutely sure </i>that someone has dismissed it out of hand, perhaps a discussion about why is in order. But saying this without knowing us or our thought processes implies the unkind assumption that we haven't thought or are incapable of thinking through our decisions for ourselves. We do respect people who choose to adopt. For some people, it's the right choice; for others, it isn't. Adoption is often just as expensive as fertility treatments-- sometimes more expensive, depending on the treatment-- with the addition of other legal, family history, and attachment issues to consider. No one "just" adopts a child. Also, when people say this to us, they imply that our bodies not functioning normally somehow makes us more responsible than others in solving a global problem, and that we ought to feel selfish for not "using" our bodies for a cause. That's a heck of a lot of psychological and societal pressure to put on such a small fraction of the human population. <br />
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<i style="font-weight: bold;">-You need to stop trying./I went on vacation and got pregnant when I wasn't so worried about it.</i><br />
We've all heard that stress can affect fertility. However, we may not ovulate frequently enough to have regular cycles and therefore need monitoring, or due to past complications we're at a higher risk for miscarriages or ectopic pregnancies. We might have high pressure jobs or be dealing with complicated family or friendship dynamics. We're glad that you were able to take pressure off yourself and relax, but that might not be an option for us. Paradoxically, reminding us that we're unable to lessen our own stress load can cause even <i>more</i> stress. <br />
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<b><i>-When you do get pregnant... /When you have a baby...</i></b><br />
This is a tricky one. On the one hand, we'll clearly indicate to you whether we feel like talking about "what if"s. Sometimes we'll be happy to discuss possible baby names, or pick out future nursery colors, or discuss our plans to dress up as Princess Leia and make a baby Yoda costume for his/her first Halloween.* We might even like to talk frequently about future plans for children. But try to let us bring it up first, and if you want to bring it up, ask. We know that in many cases you're trying to be optimistic to compensate for our worry. The truth is, you can't know if we'll ever get pregnant. Even if you feel confident about it, the best, most helpful thing you can do is listen.<br />
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<b><i>-This was our first month actively trying, and my period just arrived (or my pregnancy test came back negative), and I'm SO disappointed and upset.</i></b><br />
OK, so you <i>can </i>say this to us; sometimes we might initially bristle at it, thinking, "Really? Only one month? Bah! You don't know what <i>real </i>disappointment feels like," but then... we'll remember that we felt similarly to you when just starting out. We <i>know </i>this is a horrible feeling at any point in the process, first cycle or thirtieth. Just don't be surprised or think us unsympathetic when we remind you to be patient and give it some time. One month truly isn't much time; neither is four, really. The majority of you <i>will </i>conceive within the first six months of trying, and the majority of the remainder within a year. The emotions you're feeling right now are valid, and they suck, but keep in mind the reason we can identify with them so well.<br />
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<b><i>-It isn't God's plan for you./It's not meant to be./You can do other things with your life besides being a parent.</i></b><br />
The short answer is that we considered this ourselves and concluded that it still might be in the cards for us. Isn't it pretty arrogant of <i>anyone</i> to assume they know "the plan" for another person's life? (While the first particular phrasing isn't overtly offensive to me, I still believe it should never, ever be said to anyone, and as for it not being God's plan if someone doesn't conceive easily, see: <i>Sarah, Hannah, Elizabeth</i>.)<br />
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<b>-<i>It was such a surprise./</i><i>We weren't even trying./We never planned on having more than one./We were shocked because it was our first month trying.</i><i>/& similar</i></b><br />
This does<i> not</i> mean "Don't tell us that you're pregnant." And if you don't know we've been having trouble, we don't expect telepathy. We certainly don't expect everyone around us to never ever talk about having babies. We will be ecstatic when/if it happens for us, and we <i>are </i>happy for someone to get pregnant if they're happy about it. We might have additional feelings of jealousy and frustration; we likely even feel guilt (sometimes extreme guilt) over the<i> </i>jealousy, because we want to share fully in your joy and excitement and sometimes feel like we can't. But it is difficult hearing people talk about it as if it is just that easy. If you find yourself saying one of these things without thinking, don't beat yourself up; simply understand why we might not share your enthusiasm at that moment. (Also, if we're close enough to you that you'd tell us about your pregnancy in the first place, we can probably tell if it was a "happy accident" or similar situation.)<br />
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<b><i>-I don't understand why some women make such a big deal out of being pregnant. People get pregnant every day.</i></b><br />
Yes, they do. We don't. Acting like pregnancy is no big deal can feel like you're trivializing our struggles and bring deep-seated insecurities to the forefront. Think it silently if you wish, but if it's a big deal to a person, just let it be a big deal. Let other people be happy about something important or exciting to them. It doesn't hurt you to allow that. <br />
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<i style="font-weight: bold;">-I hate(d) being pregnant./</i><i style="font-weight: bold;">I never want to experience pregnancy again./You'll wonder why you wanted it so much when you're actually pregnant (or have a baby)/& similar</i><br />
Hopefully this one doesn't have to be explained in detail. It sounds ungrateful and dismissive to us. We know some people don't enjoy the experience of pregnancy while others love it. We know that caring for a child is hard. But the fact that you got pregnant in the first place is a miracle to us. If you don't like the fact that you're always running to the bathroom or throwing up, we understand complaining about the symptoms. No one<i> actively enjoys</i> those (we'd give a lot to experience them right now, even so). But acting like pregnancy or a child's infancy is some horrible trial you're forced to endure? Leave that discussion for other women you know to be like-minded.<br />
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<b><i>-Well, there's always next month.</i></b><br />
This is another phrase that people often use to try to comfort us. And while we sincerely appreciate the thought, sympathy might be a better option. A simple, "I'm so sorry. What can I do to help?" never goes amiss. Because we might have "always had next month" for a long time now. We might not even have regular monthly cycles or be forced to go back on birth control for a while to help regulate our hormones; sometimes for us, there <i>isn't</i> next month.<br />
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<b><i>-You should try [acupunture/diet/weight loss/weight gain/supplement].</i></b><br />
If we ask for advice (and most of us <i>will</i> ask if it's needed/wanted!), or if we're friends and having a conversation about ways to enhance fertility, then there's no reason not to mention these things. If we don't ask or don't even know you, then please don't give us advice. We probably already have a plan based on our individual needs and particular health problems. We've probably been to various doctors and started a new routine of self-care. If you know we're trying to conceive, and you know we regularly drink heavily or smoke cigarettes, <i>then </i>unsolicited advice <i>might</i> be warranted. <br />
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<b><i>-If you don't want opinions, don't publicly share your struggles.</i></b><br />
One of the problems with the Internet is that everyone assumes if you share a story, you're doing it for validation or vindication. Or that even if you say you don't want opinions, they're entitled to give them to you because... Internet? Right to Free Speech? (Because it's far too inconvenient to demonstrate respect for others when you have a point to make?) But women going through this<i> don't</i> share for opinions.<i> </i> We share in the hope that other women with similar struggles might gain hope, peace, comfort, or even just a sense of community. We share as catharsis, because our emotions are so numerous and varied that holding them all in becomes unhealthy. We share because we feel like our bodies are traitors to our hearts, and we're using the tools we have to navigate and make sense of our situations. We don't need your opinions. We need your support and encouragement. And if you can't offer that, it's easy enough not to say anything at all.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: x-small; line-height: 20px;">*If/when, this<i> is</i> happening.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;"><i><br /></i></span>Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-90088367359386063572014-10-30T14:34:00.000-07:002014-10-30T14:34:43.017-07:00Thesaurus Thursday: "Loquacious."Today's word is "loquacious," an adjective meaning "talkative or chatty."<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I am not a loquacious person in real life, preferring to silently process information, even though my blog might give the impression that I am naturally expansive.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-86994350689047384112014-10-16T14:28:00.000-07:002014-10-16T14:28:10.004-07:00Thesaurus Thursday: "Gelastic"/Fit & Active October.Today's word and segue into short Fit & Active October post is "gelastic," and adjective meaning "laughable."<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A very uncoordinated person joining a dance class for exercise might seem gelastic, and in many ways it actually is; you just have to learn to laugh at yourself.</span><br />
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I mentioned in my last post that when deciding on classes to take at the Y, I resolved to only continue ones I enjoyed. One that stuck out to me on the schedule was Dance Blast. I thought perhaps because I sometimes turn music up very loud and jump around to it in my kitchen (Um, never mind. I don't do that at all. Ever. I swear.), it might be something I'd enjoy. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNWY43bzRBxc7im618x5NcNmdvU9-zKjBzN7P9EVG9Q3JWbnECubbKUBt9e14-EgL8HrlZhX2wswE9GRhrGMGnoSK9DFY0CRk7H62ntqsgIJai6RK7y_y6kGUwpmNOApUSh0_RNFWiRcjx/s1600/napoleon-dynamite-dance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNWY43bzRBxc7im618x5NcNmdvU9-zKjBzN7P9EVG9Q3JWbnECubbKUBt9e14-EgL8HrlZhX2wswE9GRhrGMGnoSK9DFY0CRk7H62ntqsgIJai6RK7y_y6kGUwpmNOApUSh0_RNFWiRcjx/s1600/napoleon-dynamite-dance.jpg" height="190" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXHxxj1oBeI&spfreload=10%20Message%3A%20Unexpected%20end%20of%20input%20(url%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DSXHxxj1oBeI)"><span style="color: blue;">Like this</span>.</a><span id="goog_835473561"></span><span id="goog_835473562"></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a> Only different.</div>
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What I didn't realize is that the classes don't methodically lay out all the steps for you, even when doing new songs. More difficult steps might get a brief introduction, but for the most part the instructor just jumps right in, and you follow along. So during my first class, I was completely lost, oh, about 50% of the time. That said, when the class ended, I was hot, sweaty, exhausted, and <i>happy</i> about it. I've never been happy about exercising in my life. But to enjoy myself, I had to focus not on how much I was messing up the steps but on how much more fun it was to move my body around <i>to</i> the music than to simply listen to it while pedaling a stationary bike or running on a treadmill. I found out that my body doesn't particularly like monotony. Which was rather surprising considering that I am normally<i> all </i>about routine and habit. <br />
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I also had to realize that <i>no one was focusing on me</i>. Everyone was busy with their own dancing; it wasn't a competition. When I did look around to see if I could follow someone nearer to me than the instructor, I noticed that many people weren't perfect. Some knew the choreography better than others, and some knew it perfectly, and some hardly did the same dance at all, but everyone was dancing without any apparent self-consciousness. I've gotten better at following along each time I've been, but I'll still never be a great dancer. It doesn't matter, though. I'm getting a workout and having fun, and no one is judging me for not being perfect.<br />
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So here are some thoughts to take away from this: if you're ever nervous about varying your exercise routine, remember that you'll never know how much you'll enjoy another activity until you try. And always, always remember that it's OK not to be perfect. It's <i>your</i> workout, no one else's.<br />
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Oh, and sometimes laughing makes exercise even more fun.<br />
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Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-81579598745436681292014-10-12T07:28:00.002-07:002014-11-09T19:24:55.688-08:00Fit & Active October: Changing My Perspective.Last year, a group of bloggers organized "Fit and Active September." At that point, I wasn't ready to participate in any fitness-related group activities (even blogging), so I am glad that Sophie over at <a href="http://2cakesonaplate.wordpress.com/"><span style="color: blue;">Two Cakes on a Plate</span></a> decided to bring it back for October 2014. You see, in the past, talking about health has sent me on a downward spiral. I've always had a very disordered relationship with food and exercise. Whenever I started eating healthfully or going to the gym, my motivation was always simply to be thin enough, because I thought being thin was expected of people in order to be accepted... and, to be honest, in many cases it <i>is</i>, which is part of the problem; expecting a certain appearance from people doesn't help them stay healthy or lose weight (if weight loss is what they actually need to achieve for health. You can't know that for sure if you don't observe their daily habits, and unless you're living with them, doing so would be, um, creepy and probably illegal?). <br />
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I had an eating disorder in college, and although it never got to the point of hospitalization or feeding tubes, it drastically affected the way I viewed exercise. Exercise was for burning calories. It started out as an activity to burn calories from the burger, fries, and coke I had for dinner last night. Then it turned into burning calories from that sandwich I had for lunch. Then I needed to burn calories from the 2 egg whites and half a turkey sausage I ate for breakfast. It was so exhausting that I finally decided simply not to consume more than 1000 calories a day. I was proud of myself when they added up to 800, devastated if I ever had a day that came close to 1500. <br />
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Exercise was a chore that only indicated when I'd done something bad to deserve it. And (full disclosure) it never occurred to me to think about it any other way until only recently. One reason I began this blog was in the hopes that I could help people from falling into the same spiral of guilt, shame, and body hatred with which I've struggled. I never imagined that it would open me up to a community of wonderful, vibrant women and men who can balance being body positive with trying to be healthy on their own terms. They've all had their struggles and setbacks, but I've been encouraged by their attitudes to think of exercise not in terms of calories burned or even in terms of how it makes my body look, but in terms of how it makes my body strong. How it helps aches and pains and endurance and posture. <br />
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I decided to get a Y membership and only do exercise that I enjoyed. I promised myself that if it felt too much like work, I would find something else. That isn't to say I wouldn't extend my limitations and push myself at all; I just wouldn't allow exercise to become my job. I felt dread when I thought about returning to do the elliptical. I found lifting weights monotonous. Pilates was OK, but I knew I needed to build up a bit of strength first in order to really reap the benefits of it. Finally, I went to yoga one day and a dance class the next. And when the time for yoga and then the time for dance came around again, I was<i> excited </i>about going. I love almost any and all music, and dancing around to it makes getting my heart rate up fun rather than grueling. With yoga, I've already seen a significant decrease in back pain, and I can use my abdominal muscles to hold me up without slouching (much) without it hurting. My weight and outward appearance haven't changed, at least noticeably, but I <i>feel </i>good. <br />
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I'm planning on doing one more post in October on not worrying about looking foolish while exercising, because I do look pretty silly in both dance and yoga. But... that's OK!<br />
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Have you ever had a change of perspective or revelation about your exercise routine?<br />
<br />Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-67347845453205782172014-09-26T17:13:00.001-07:002014-09-26T17:13:30.811-07:00Thesaurus Thursday: "Discombobulated."Today's word is "discombobulated," an adjective meaning "bewildered" or "disconcerted."<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The fact that it is Friday and not Thursday leaves me discombobulated and wondering where the time went. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-25136329965141621192014-09-18T13:38:00.001-07:002014-09-18T13:38:24.847-07:00Thesaurus Thursday: "Pandemonium."Hey everyone! Today's word is "pandemonium," a noun meaning "disorder, confusion, or chaos."<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If there were no teachers looking out for kids during recess, there might be complete pandemonium.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-55024934099982080002014-09-11T11:00:00.001-07:002014-09-11T11:00:38.082-07:00Thesaurus Thursday: "Adversity."Today's word is "adversity," a noun meaning "hardship" or "misfortune." <br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When your bra size changes, it can be difficult to triumph over adversity and find new bras that fit.</span><br />
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When your body size and/or shape changes for whatever reason, be it hormonal, through intentional or unintentional weight gain/loss, pregnancy, or exercise, it's easy to let clothes (especially bras) not fitting get to you. Having bras that don't fit can even become painful. I've been struggling with some health issues, and that and changes in exercise routine have drastically affected my bra size, even though my body hasn't changed much in weight or appearance. It's easy to get overwhelmed when you know you need new bras but have no idea what size or brand or shape. It feels like starting from square one all over again.<br />
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After doing a lot of research on Bratabase, I took the plunge and ordered three new bras, and I'm crossing my fingers that they'll fit when they arrive, because even though the measurements "match" my own, sizing isn't an exact science. Measurements alone may or may not accurately or precisely determine one's size. I can exchange them, but honestly, finding a perfect fit can be exhausting and sometimes pricey. Do you ever get frustrated with bra buying? Is there anything that would make it easier for you? </div>
Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-77024370979295021092014-09-06T12:26:00.001-07:002014-09-06T12:26:38.844-07:00Boobs and Being Seen (Another Rant).I don't have kids yet, but I am planning on breastfeeding if I do. If I can't, I will still feed and care for my baby to the best of my ability. I know women who chose not to breastfeed who loved and raised their kids just as well as any breastfeeding mothers. I'm<i> already </i>tired of "mommy wars," and I'm not even a part of them yet! The point is, it's a very personal and often difficult decision whether or not to breastfeed, and some women don't even <i>get </i>that choice due to previous health problems, surgeries, etc. I firmly believe that most moms <i>know</i> if they're making the best choices for their circumstances and that people, for the most part, know when they succeed, when they fail, and when they make mistakes. We should certainly give everyone all the facts and encourage each other to make good decisions, but good decisions aren't the same for everyone.<br />
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Breastfeeding moms are simultaneously told that they're making a good decision and told that they <i>can't </i>breastfeed much of the time. Bottle-feeding moms are harassed for everything from "not giving their baby adequate nutrition" to "feeding their baby poison." <i>What is wrong with people?</i> I want to live in a world where breastfeeding and bottle-feeding are both respected, rather than a world where bottle-feeding mothers are constantly put down and breastfeeding mothers desperately try to find private nooks and maneuver into uncomfortable positions (for themselves and their babies) that won't offend anyone. Yes, breast milk has, according to many sources, the best <a href="http://breastfeeding.about.com/od/breastfeedingbasics/p/bmcontent.htm"><span style="color: blue;">combination of nutrients</span></a> for newborns, infants, and toddlers. Many organizations, parenting classes, doctors and midwives <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/"><span style="color: blue;">strongly support breastfeeding</span></a>. That doesn't mean that babies who don't receive breast milk will turn out unhealthy, unhappy, or anything of the sort. There are more factors in a child's development. I <i>would</i>, however, like society to stop stigmatizing breastfeeding in public and making it more difficult in practice than bottle-feeding, especially if they're going to hypocritically sing its praises in general.<br />
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What do you mean you were feeding your baby?</div>
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<i>You could have been seen!</i></div>
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<span style="text-align: start;">When people notice* a breastfeeding mother in public, there is inevitably a storm of questions and often even a media frenzy. It's ridiculous. </span></div>
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<i>Does she know we can see her?</i><br />
<i>Why can't she do that in the bathroom?</i><br />
<i>Why didn't she pump?</i><br />
<i>Shouldn't this be private?</i><br />
<i>Why can't she do that at home? </i><br />
<i>Does she know people can see her boob?</i><br />
<i>Why can't she use a sheet?</i><br />
<i>Can't she supplement with formula?</i><br />
<i>Aren't boobs for sex?</i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Does she know she's making me uncomfortable?</span></i><br />
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Let me answer those questions with some questions of my own.<br />
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<i>Do other people exist?</i><br />
<i>Do you regularly take your meals into public bathrooms to enjoy them? </i><br />
<i>Have you ever desperately tried to extract toothpaste from a nearly-empty tube and failed, giving up because you have <b>other</b> things to do?</i><br />
<i>Do you shut yourself in a closet to eat?</i><br />
<i>Do you like getting out of the house? Do you sometimes go places that aren't close by your house?</i><br />
<i>Isn't the baby's head in the way of your view, or are you <b>trying</b></i> <i>to watch?</i><br />
<i>(Seriously, can you even see anything in <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/06/public-breastfeeding-awareness-project-photos_n_5651252.html"><span style="color: blue;">most of these pictures</span></a>?)</i><br />
<i>Do you sometimes get hot, sticky and sweaty under blankets?</i><br />
<i>Do you have certain foods that you avoid for health reasons or because they upset your stomach?</i><br />
<i>Do you understand basic biology and anatomy?</i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Do you know why you're so uncomfortable?</span></i><br />
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My opinion is that it should only be "rude" or "inappropriate" to breastfeed when it would also be "rude" or "inappropriate" to bottle-feed... in other words, at places or events which you shouldn't bring kids to in the first place. At your company's fancy holiday dinner party. At someone's "adults only" wedding. At a venue that has age restrictions. If you want to go to a nice restaurant, but you know it's usually full of couples on romantic nights out, and you've rarely seen a kid under the age of 12, much less a baby, perhaps <i>then</i> it would more considerate to others to go elsewhere or stay in. <br />
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But it isn't practical or possible for women to stay home all the time, even stay-at-home moms. You never hear about people telling a bottle-feeding mom that she should have stayed home when she starts feeding her wailing baby in a casual restaurant. They see a hungry baby and a mother who quickly attends to the baby's needs. Ironically, they <i>would</i> probably complain if the baby kept crying because he/she was hungry and the mom couldn't breastfeed at that time. People can be irrational jerks like that.<br />
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Personally, I wouldn't sit down shoulder-to-shoulder with a stranger or even very close to another person and start breastfeeding, but that's because I don't like sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with <i>anyone </i>and think it's important to respect personal space. Growing up with social anxiety and a touch of claustrophobia, I'd hate to put others in positions that would make me uncomfortable were I in their place. But I'd like to be able to go out for coffee, and if my baby starts getting cranky, I'd like to be able to feed him/her in a timely fashion without fear of public shaming. Is that too much to ask?<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">*I am almost 100% sure that there have been moms who have breastfed in public without anyone even noticing, much less making a big deal out of it. It's as if people who protest are actively looking for reasons to be offended.</span><br />
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Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-23369558532855728002014-08-14T17:38:00.001-07:002014-08-15T07:49:01.430-07:00Thesaurus Thursday: "Capricious." Today's word is "capricious," an adjective meaning "given to sudden changes of mood or behavior." <br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-72771850818783310382014-08-05T14:23:00.001-07:002014-09-26T18:28:09.177-07:00If I Should Ever Have a Son.<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">The other day, after scrolling through Facebook and various other blogs and online articles and reading some horrifyingly misogynist comments, I had the rather daunting realization that if I ever have a son, I will be at least in part responsible for many of his attitudes <i>about</i> girls and women. The following is what I would want him to know. </span></div>
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Dear Son,<br />
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You're coming into the world with an advantage. It's an unfair advantage, and it's simply that you are a man. People will pay you more for your work. People outside of school and work (and sometimes even at school and work) will be less likely to comment on your choice of clothing. They will be more inclined to treat your anger, sadness, or joy as valid and not as the result of a hormonal mood swing. Some will even tell you that as a man, you are entitled to authority. <i>As a man</i>, you aren't. You will encounter your own set of problems and challenges in life, but please listen to me when I say that they are separate from the overwhelming systematic sexism that women face every day.<br />
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Being born into such privilege as described above shouldn't make you feel guilty--everyone knows that you didn't come into the world thinking you deserve more than anyone else--but not recognizing it or making any effort to change the prevailing mentality... well,<i> that </i>should. I hope you will earn most of your achievements and rewards by working hard and respecting those around you. Some good fortune might fall into your lap because you are lucky or because you possess innate talent. That's great. But again, you wouldn't deserve it because you're a man. You wouldn't deserve bad luck because of that, either, and I never want you to think that men should "atone" for misogyny by groveling, worshipping, being downtrodden, or experiencing hatred and discrimination themselves. That's misandry and not any better than misogyny. <br />
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I want you to grow up understanding that you should respect everyone. I also want you to understand that this does not mean you should be <i>blind</i> to any of their differences. Human beings are diverse creatures. Why should we pretend otherwise? Celebrate it. Marvel at variety. And when I say appreciate everyone, I include women. This might be a more difficult one for you. Not because I don't believe you're capable of treating women with respect, but because you will be surrounded by subtle... and sometimes not so subtle... implications that women are beneath you or indebted to you. Women don't have to act a certain way for you. They don't have to cater to you. Nothing you do, nothing you are, will ever <i>merit</i> a woman altering her appearance or sleeping with you. Treating a woman nicely or lavishly does not earn you a place in her heart, home or bed. On the other side of the coin, if you've had a pleasant dinner with a woman and she pays for it, you don't owe her anything more than a sincere "thank you," either. My hope is that you'll be the type of person who might, on another occasion, treat her in kind and pay for the next meal, but that isn't a requirement. <br />
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All women will differ from individual to individual. You might find that you develop preferences. You might like girls who play sports. You might find yourself drawn to blue eyes. These preferences do not devalue the women who don't meet them. If you meet women without stretch marks or cellulite, it isn't a sign that they are somehow better than other women. I will say that while marks and such shouldn't be considered<i> </i>flaws<i>--</i>the overwhelming majority of women of all shapes and sizes have them--you aren't required to find them sexy or appealing, just as a woman isn't required to find innocuous parts of your body sexy or appealing. If you do, that's not a problem. But they never merit disgust or teasing or even <i>remarking upon</i> if you don't. How you would feel if a girl constantly told you how much better you'd look if you had less knobbly knees or shorter toes? I suspect you'd try to avoid such an unpleasant person. I wouldn't want that for you. <br />
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Finally, let me get this out of the way before the end: Puberty. It happens. For girls, this usually means breasts, periods, and raging hormones. For boys, this usually means voice changes, facial hair, and raging hormones. Note that I said "raging hormones" twice; it isn't just you. Never make someone feel embarrassed or ashamed of simply growing up. I trust that you and other boys and girls are capable of communicating if and when you <i>are</i> all right with looking or touching. With that said, it's wrong for girls to make you feel uncomfortable by laughing at your voice cracking or touching you without permission. It's wrong for you to make them uncomfortable by staring at their bodies or teasing them when they get their periods or touching them without permission. You all might do these things without thinking sometimes; the main thing to remember is when you notice that you're doing it and it's making others seem uncomfortable,<i> stop</i>. And of course, if they<i> ask</i> you to stop, <i>stop</i>. Please also remember that silence is never an invitation. Oh, and by the way, you don't have to go around talking about periods, but they aren't "gross" or "freakish." They allowed you to be here in the first place.<br />
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It's true that as your mother, I will probably hold you in higher esteem than others. But I will not value you any more highly because you're my son rather than my daughter.<br />
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I love you,<br />
Mom<br />
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<br />Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-9984904784531648742014-07-18T05:38:00.001-07:002014-07-18T05:38:44.949-07:00Quick Update!Hi everyone! I just wanted to check in with all Absurd Curvy Nerd readers. With a busy summer schedule, I haven't been able to post as much as I'd like here. I have a lengthier post on reserve that I've been tweaking and trying to shorten, and it should be up in the next couple weeks. After that, I'll be resuming a more frequent posting schedule.<br />
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<3Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-63810455083583100822014-06-19T15:48:00.000-07:002014-06-19T15:48:29.265-07:00Thesaurus Thursday: "Capitulate."Happy almost-weekend everyone! Today's word is "capitulate," a verb meaning "to give in, yield, or cede."<div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I told myself that I wouldn't buy any more bras this summer, but when someone asked if I would like one that didn't fit her, I capitulated to the urge to buy it and am now anxiously awaiting its arrival.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">... These things just happen, you know?</span></span></div>
Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-56685323790204754362014-06-15T17:09:00.001-07:002014-06-15T17:09:07.435-07:00The Trouble With Strapless. (A Rant.)<div>
I understand that clear bra straps aren't truly invisible, but what I didn't expect to find when I Googled them, hoping to find pictures of them <i>actually worn</i> <i>with clothing</i> (seriously, are there any?), were lengthy message boards about the "ugliness" and "unacceptability" of bra straps showing, period. I'm tired of the stigma.</div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Image from lanebryant.com</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Nope, Lane Bryant, this isn't a picture of </span></div>
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I understand that there are a variety of strapless bras available in the full-bust market. But even if they work very well for some women, others still won't be able to get much lift or a very good shape from them. Some women will not have the time to find one that really works if they have to go to an event. Some women are hesitant to spend so much money on an undergarment they might only wear once (strapless bras are usually more expensive for the full-busted). And I'm tired of being told, "But they make strapless bras in your size!" as if their mere existence means that I can wear them without any problem.</div>
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Because darn it, I really do need the straps. Bust room is usually provided in a certain area, waistlines are assumed to be <i>here</i>, armholes are just <i>here,</i> and if your chest doesn't remain within certain limits, a garment might not fit right. For me, even though many come in my size range, I've never had a strapless bra keep me within those limits.*</div>
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<--Provided bust room</div>
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<--Where bust sits in strapless bra</div>
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On these snarky message boards about bra straps showing, I'd often read, "That is just so tacky!" And on more than one occasion, this sentiment was followed by, "I'd suggest an adhesive bra if you have to wear something more revealing." Perhaps all of this just caught me in a bad mood, but it royally ticked me off. I couldn't help but think that if <i>I </i>currently have trouble finding decent strapless bras at a fairly common full-bust size, imagine how women with larger breasts must feel when confronted with this sort of "advice." Basically, what I see when I read this type of comment is: <i>Choose to wear things that cover your bra straps, or I'll judge you and talk about you behind your back. And if you </i>have <i>to wear a particular style for a party/formal/wedding/etc., you can get something with inadequate support/poor shape and likely feel less attractive in it than your less-busty companions. (Oh, and by the way, I'll probably judge you for the way your breasts look in it, too.) </i></div>
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And let me tell you about my last adventure with an adhesive bra. I was 18 and going to prom, and because I wanted to fit in--I'm not saying this was a good or mature choice--I just <i>had </i>to get the cute low-backed spaghetti-strap dress. I ended up with a Nu-Bra and a good four, maybe five feet of duct tape trying to get it to hold me up and make everything look halfway decent. I was hot and uncomfortable, and whenever my date (Mr. Nerd. Yes, he remembers this.) would bump into me, there was a dull, hollow thudding sound like rapping on cardboard box. Also, taking that sucker off <i>hurt</i>. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0xr9RiIxb_cEX5vrXMXBWd3o8xO6hhThTUvKpiDqURr3C6gHjApRzoKzd9qFkHQ1c9j9928clM2q7RPz3L5rTD8jj0tyOstUkyKKion9cjH960Ysp5ti8bLWXG53UoOSEYqpJByzx65kg/s1600/download.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0xr9RiIxb_cEX5vrXMXBWd3o8xO6hhThTUvKpiDqURr3C6gHjApRzoKzd9qFkHQ1c9j9928clM2q7RPz3L5rTD8jj0tyOstUkyKKion9cjH960Ysp5ti8bLWXG53UoOSEYqpJByzx65kg/s1600/download.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Seeing how some people make clothes out of it nowadays,</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">I should have just made an entire dress out of the stuff.</span></div>
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I do adhere to situation-specific guidelines. I don't wear a strappy top to someone's family event if I know the family is on the more conservative side. I try to be respectful of any cultural observations. But I'm not OK with discounting an entire subset of clothing because someone is going to get into a tizzy over visible bra straps. I think that attitude is, well, tacky. And adhesive bras are great for some people. But just as I wouldn't go around saying, "Taking supplements is tacky! I'd suggest changing your diet," to all and sundry**, please, <i>please</i> don't go around recommending them as as cure-all for people's strapless ailments. </div>
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They're not. Trust me. </div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">*Except the strapless basque under my wedding dress, which had to be altered along <i>with </i>my dress, which was a custom item itself. But I'm not willing to do that every time, for obvious reasons.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>**</i>"Well, if your child just <i>has</i> to be anemic, then I'd suggest more spinach." </span></div>
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Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-83409466441197072662014-06-13T06:26:00.000-07:002014-06-13T06:31:33.991-07:00Thesaurus Thursday: "Nictate."Today's word is "nictate," a verb meaning, "to blink." I couldn't think of a good sentence, so I decided to post this on<span style="text-align: center;"> Friday the 13th...</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoMZxp6wEKOrym3J1U12UkP8WsQYTpurKSJ_74U2SDmz7_HCkvCDDoRacI3jip18LZfB9y_qUZLmMMSoT4TgLQLmavztAwdYuTXdvpyGnEGG1xbbsymntNEzroPY-8MZsC3bAMEJMr8AzA/s1600/weepingangel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoMZxp6wEKOrym3J1U12UkP8WsQYTpurKSJ_74U2SDmz7_HCkvCDDoRacI3jip18LZfB9y_qUZLmMMSoT4TgLQLmavztAwdYuTXdvpyGnEGG1xbbsymntNEzroPY-8MZsC3bAMEJMr8AzA/s1600/weepingangel.jpg" height="356" width="640" /></a></div>
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Don't nictate.</div>
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(I really am quite sorry about this.)</div>
<br />Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-6029888937583258312014-05-25T17:13:00.001-07:002014-09-26T18:35:21.069-07:00Your Body Can't Be Reduced to Statistics.Sometimes I look at the search queries that lead to my blog just for kicks. <br />
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<i>an ark with most busty women</i><br />
... Are most busty women in an ark? Are the most busty among them in an ark? The ark is a lie.<br />
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<i>bulky busty nude boobs blogspot</i><br />
... It's oddly specific but somehow <i>still</i> vague.<br />
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<i>nerd boobs</i><br />
... I think I mentioned on Facebook that my boobs have an honorary Ph.D. in Awesomeness.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLvEXeajjm_CvOL-GvKjcCYdDbnscoi6QSSmS9MBLG9H5pvf5bBE_13DgWTaMwR9GSm7Jee4d8U92vQqPdhhtMS1bqEcB198g5JSF9qM7h_ZyjiXRULlmmmf86VYAw0CtnPVWswJMzDp89/s1600/star-wars-bra.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLvEXeajjm_CvOL-GvKjcCYdDbnscoi6QSSmS9MBLG9H5pvf5bBE_13DgWTaMwR9GSm7Jee4d8U92vQqPdhhtMS1bqEcB198g5JSF9qM7h_ZyjiXRULlmmmf86VYAw0CtnPVWswJMzDp89/s1600/star-wars-bra.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">fashionablygeek.com</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Not even remotely close to my size, but... but... </span></div>
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<i>curvy woman. stocking. youtube.</i><br />
... blogspot. youtube. different.<br />
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<i>young firm busty eee woman</i><br />
<i>... </i>I am very disturbed by this. "EEE" isn't a bra size.<br />
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<i>actress boobs bra py</i><br />
... Py... thons? Py... lons? Py... ramids? <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOpHKLVGIIG_kz4a8qyYPxMC-N4Y0dtMEhJ99_Knvra9Mqd4B9nkWRLfZqiM5cv-rWlVppPxgF8zL6Am3XmSxNQtUTWK788j001Ligyx4PUnS8Iu3LuiDIYLP1Keb1tQMg_yaDcBk7lnff/s1600/madonna.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOpHKLVGIIG_kz4a8qyYPxMC-N4Y0dtMEhJ99_Knvra9Mqd4B9nkWRLfZqiM5cv-rWlVppPxgF8zL6Am3XmSxNQtUTWK788j001Ligyx4PUnS8Iu3LuiDIYLP1Keb1tQMg_yaDcBk7lnff/s1600/madonna.jpg" height="320" width="168" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Maybe?</span></div>
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<i>busty and don't know it</i><br />
... You... don't?<br />
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<i>busty christian women</i><br />
... We do, in fact, exist. We're also a group of people, not a fetish.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiirWxWH06BzSH1kvlWzlKGPXv1fP2C9eGD1lYcbpublSdufWVgiRgU4NVUR-ab3Y00Re8nQTjWZCcVaSqbHiEXp1qNj_J-fBs2_3Lo3U38sTcwv8uuqMoQ8ctM8gwptKVddBYQZy82BGFB/s1600/tumblr_md1fspaqUY1qj6wguo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiirWxWH06BzSH1kvlWzlKGPXv1fP2C9eGD1lYcbpublSdufWVgiRgU4NVUR-ab3Y00Re8nQTjWZCcVaSqbHiEXp1qNj_J-fBs2_3Lo3U38sTcwv8uuqMoQ8ctM8gwptKVddBYQZy82BGFB/s1600/tumblr_md1fspaqUY1qj6wguo1_500.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://tessmunster.tumblr.com/"><span style="color: blue;"><b style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; text-align: left; white-space: nowrap;">tessmunster</b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; text-align: left; white-space: nowrap;">.tumblr.com/</span></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><3 Tess Munster.</span></div>
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But my main search term isn't one of these ridiculous queries which I suspect are hastily typed in search of websites quite different from my blog.<br />
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It's <i>average size of a woman.</i><br />
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This depresses me, because I can guess what many of these people are trying to find. I imagine there <i>are</i> legitimate reasons for looking this up, but I expect most often, they are trying to validate themselves. People seem to balk at being called "average" in everyday life. But being near the average in terms of weight/size seems to make many people feel... comfortable. More secure. And this bothers me. If you <i>are </i>near the average weight for your height, and you feel good about your body, that's great. That's not what I'm talking about. It's when you feel good about it <i>because</i> you're near the average that a problem arises. "Average" is just a statistical quantification. By its very definition, 50% of people are below average and 50% of people are above average. "Average" says nothing about the worth of someone's body. <br />
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Let's put aside the health trolls, the weight-loss supplement advertisements, the diet plans, and take a moment to stop focusing on "the norm" or "health" or "body ideals" and focus on how <i>incredible</i> it is to be unique. Even the people who are near average in terms of weight have individual shapes, scars, freckles... the list goes on. None of us, including identical siblings, is exactly alike.<br />
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You are the only person on Earth who looks like you.<br />
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And that is amazing.</div>
Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5513226177176172058.post-11913486458964977942014-05-22T17:58:00.000-07:002014-05-22T17:58:34.243-07:00Thesaurus Thursday: "Kismet."Today's word is "kismet," a noun meaning fate or destiny.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When I found a lone 30-band Freya Deco strapless bra in a department store among a sea of 32+ bands, I thought it was kismet, until I tried it on and remembered that the Deco shape does not work for me. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhijaBUbY_4t6978g7WL8ijHNe7iC37XZaQIvKhzsHpbGnEx3cyAeSY9dcUQ0SZu7iptWynFD4tcAhMV3u6fuRAb6g-6Yjlpmtu5vbyRXGegnIzFHWx0oBkxpWylb1-RuGRAjjibMRA54vf/s1600/strapless.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhijaBUbY_4t6978g7WL8ijHNe7iC37XZaQIvKhzsHpbGnEx3cyAeSY9dcUQ0SZu7iptWynFD4tcAhMV3u6fuRAb6g-6Yjlpmtu5vbyRXGegnIzFHWx0oBkxpWylb1-RuGRAjjibMRA54vf/s1600/strapless.png" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">freyalingerie.com</span></div>
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:-( :-( :-(</div>
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It works very well for a lot of people. though.</div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>Cat Cookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704930143060295591noreply@blogger.com1